I honestly have no excuse for the lack of updates lately. Well, I do. Kind of.
My excuse is that I wanted to keep this blog free of pregnancy related posts. That’s what mariaandjon.com is for. However, I have found it really challenging to find anything to post about that is not related to the twins. It’s like they’ve taken over my life way before they are even born.
And it’s not only Jon and me. It’s everyone around us too. Every single person we meet, every person we speak to, everybody seems to have just one topic in mind: my pregnancy.
It doesn’t bother me much, to be honest, I am happy to talk about it. It’s just that it is 24/7. There’s no escaping it.
Anyway. Maybe I will find something to talk about that it is not pregnancy/twins related.
That day I will update the blog.
Yesterday I did something of which I am not immensely proud: I played the “weak woman” or “victim” role.
I completely disagree with women who play victim, making everyone feel guilty if they don’t do whatever is in their hands to please these victims… I believe that if women ever want to be equal to men in every aspect of our lives, then we need to be stronger and stop playing the “weak” role.
However, yesterday (kind of unknowingly) I played this role myself – and I am not proud of it.
I went to the Heathrow office wearing a very tight dress that shows my bump completely and when I was asked how I was doing, I replied “Not too bad, pushing through”
Now, this is not something that I would normally do. I try to be honest in every aspect of my day to day life, including work. And when anyone asks me how I am, I reply honestly. Saying “not too bad, pushing through” was a lie. Because I was feeling fine, and I have nothing to push through (pregnancy is being quite easy so far). So why did I do this? There is a story behind it.
Last summer I spent a lot of time at the Heathrow office. And I mean a lot of time. It was getting very stressful, and although I was coping ok, then I started the IVF treatment. I was told that I should avoid stress by any means. So after talking to my boss, it was decided that I would stop going to the Heathrow site. I would come to the normal office instead, which is hard work as well, but nowhere near so stressful (the Heathrow office is a building site pretty much, an environment dominated by men, working under pressure and trying to control everything to the smallest detail. It can get stressful at times, and this is exactly what I was told to avoid).
So I stopped going, and then I got pregnant and never went back again.
However, yesterday I had to go for a meeting which I couldn’t avoid (I am supposed to be based at that office, so it is very inconvenient for them that I am not there everyday). And what did I do? I dressed with a dress that shows my bump (which is getting considerably big now – you couldn’t mix it up with just being fat, hehe) and I pretended that I was not feeling great. I suppose I did it so they would be easy on me and not put too much pressure. And it worked! But I am not feeling great about it. I don’t really want to do that ever again, it felt so cheap!
So this year is about to finish and I am a bit sad, actually. It’s been such a good year that it is going to be a bit bittersweet to say goodbye.
It’s not like it’s been amazing and those amazing experiences won’t ever happen again… No… It’s a bit different. This has been a year of expectation, hope, consideration, nerves, etc, and although the new year will also bring some of those wonderfully weird feelings, it is also going to be a very different year, with a long path of discovery to travel.
I was thinking the other day that I want to keep my identity after I’ve given birth to the twins. I’ve heard so many stories of women who go from being ‘Jane Smith’ to turning into ‘Matt’s mum’, losing their identity on the way. Honestly, I don’t just want to be ‘the twins’ mum’, I still want to be me, Maria; with time for my husband, my crafting, my TV shows, and everything else that defines me. But the more I think about it, I know it won’t happen, especially because I want to be a good mother and the children come first.
The new year is going to see the later stage of my pregnancy, with all the preparation that it entails (NCT course, midwife and obstretician appointments, getting the nursery room ready, etc), and then when the children arrive, well, that’s a brand new story that will have to be written as we go along.
So, goodbye 2012. You’ve been the witness of our IVF journey, a year full of doubts, hope, cheer and bliss. For 2013, I only ask for as much happiness as we’ve had these past 12 months.
Okay, I can’t keep it secret any longer…………… I’ve got an announcement to make…………….
I am pregnant!!
It’s been such a difficult journey to get here, both physically and mentally, that now that things seem to have settled a bit, I am finding it very difficult to not tell people.
I am almost 12 weeks pregnant and the bigger piece of news is that it’s twins! I know… No buses come, and then two turn up at the same time… (or like my mother would say: “No querías arroz? Tomas dos tazas”)
The whole process has been through IVF and I have documented the journey on our other blog: www.mariaandjon.com, so go ahead and have a read if you’re interested in the nitty gritty of these things!
For now I’ll just say that we are so excited and nervous at the same time!!! Next week we have our official scan at the hospital, and if everything is in place and in order, we will announce it formally to everybody (although our nearest friends and family have known about it almost since day 1)
Ahead of me I’ve got approximately 5 months of realisation and change, and I couldn’t be happier!
The States are celebrating Thanksgiving today. Along side Halloween, Black Friday and other special days, Thanksgiving has slowly crossed the Atlantic and more and more Europeans celebrate this day as well. Not because we feel the need to say thanks to anyone, but because what better excuse to gather around family and friends and feast on turkey? Jon and I already had a “Hallowthankmas” dinner with some friends a couple of weeks ago (no need to explain that Hallowthankmas stands for Halloween+Thanksgiving+Christmas, although none of us dressed up.. the Halloween bit came from the pumpkin pie we had for pudding)
So since today is Thanksgiving, and I don’t mind adopting north american traditions, here is my list of reasons why I am thankful today:
- I am thankful for my husband. He is my best friend and I honestly can’t figure out what my life would be without him. He understands me, he makes me laugh, he is patient with me and above all, he loves me as much as I love him. What else could I ask for?
- I am thankful for my job. I know I have complained lots about it in the last couple of years, but when I come to think about it, I am so very lucky to be where I am. Here I have been appreciated for my work, I have been promoted, and the most important thing is that I am comfortable. Comfortable with what I do (yes, I’ve had my struggles, but I have conquered them too), comfortable with my boss (he’s the best), and comfortable with the rest of my colleagues. I know how important it is to feel both comfortable and appreciated in the workplace, and I am thankful for having found it (despite the negatives)
- I am thankful for science. Scientific and medical developments have been an important part of my life in the last few months (more to come on this) and I am so very helpful for that.
- I am thankful for technology. For making my life easy everyday (although I sometimes reminisce and say how easy life was before we all had mobile phones…)
- I am thankful for this country. England took me in when I was trying to find myself. It protected me and has looked after me since. I love it here and I am thankful that I have never had any problems. I am also thankful for its beauty, its wildlife, its scenery and countryside, its small villages and country pubs, for its diversity and for its seasons.
- I am thankful for my family. They are all a bunch of crazy folk but thanks to them I have learnt many things in life and I became the person I am today – And I must say that I am actually proud to be the way I am. From my mum I learnt not to be promiscuous, from my uncles not to be greedy, from my older brother not to depend financially on anyone, and from my younger brother not to do drugs. Unintentionally, just by observing their behaviour, I learnt and became who I am.
- I am thankful for my friends. All those people who listen to me, talk to me, understand each other, laugh with each other, enjoy each other’s company. All of them. Thanks.
We won’t eat turkey tonight, or even meet with family or friends, but I am thankful for the opportunity to sit for ten minutes to collect my thoughts and realise that there is actually a lot of things out there to be thankful for.