So yeah, it’s been a while since I last wrote in here, but I’ve decided to come back. I finally have other things to talk about other than baby or motherhood topics.
Because of them (babies and motherhood) my outlook in life has shifted and changed a bit, so I wonder how this new side of me will be reflected in my topics and writing.
Let me use this post as a new introduction of who I am now, maybe things have not changed that much anyway! I will also get all of the motherhood topics out of my chest once and for all.
So I am Maria, a 36 year old, mother of twins. I gave up my old job about a month ago, since I could not afford to go back after my maternity leave. I had been there for 8 years and it was a sad decision to make. I currently am a “SAHM”, although I despise that term and very rarely you’ll see me using it. I look after my children full time but I also make time for myself. I see friends from time to time and also find time to craft.
What has changed drastically? I hardly find time to listen to music like I used to. I still play music, but I have to be very careful with what I play in front of the children, since they are picking up lots of things at the moment. Also, sometimes I play an album in front of them and 40 minutes later I realise that I haven’t heard a single song because I was paying more attention to them.
Evening outings are very limited too, and never with my husband. We make it work by doing things together during the day and going out separately in the evenings with our own friends. This means, however, that concerts, comedy stand ups and cinema visits are a thing of the past. The last concert I attended was Ludovico Eunaidi when I was 7 months pregnant. We’re not ready to leave the kids with a sitter at night.
I remember writing, before the children arrived, that I wanted to remain me, I wanted to keep being Maria, and not just “the mother of the twins”. This has become very difficult. I don’t think I’ve lost my identity but it is quite hard to be a committed mother and not let your children’s lives rule your own life. You automatically become “the mother of” when all you do is look after your children full time.
I do not regret anything, don’t get me wrong. I am enjoying this new phase in my life. I did have plenty of time to fullfill myself as an individual in the 35 years previous to having offspring. But it is inevitable to miss certain things and to wonder if I would have done anything differently if I could start all over again.
My outlook in life is way more relaxed now. I take things as they come and I’ve learnt to not be disappointed when plans get cancelled at last minute notice (you wouldn’t believe how unpredictable life with kids is, even when you have an established routine). I enjoy simpler things now. I don’t need to be stimulated in complicated ways, I am happy to just watch my kids develop into little people and interact with each other.
So, yeah. This is me. And I’m back.