Yesterday I did something of which I am not immensely proud: I played the “weak woman” or “victim” role.
I completely disagree with women who play victim, making everyone feel guilty if they don’t do whatever is in their hands to please these victims… I believe that if women ever want to be equal to men in every aspect of our lives, then we need to be stronger and stop playing the “weak” role.
However, yesterday (kind of unknowingly) I played this role myself – and I am not proud of it.
I went to the Heathrow office wearing a very tight dress that shows my bump completely and when I was asked how I was doing, I replied “Not too bad, pushing through”
Now, this is not something that I would normally do. I try to be honest in every aspect of my day to day life, including work. And when anyone asks me how I am, I reply honestly. Saying “not too bad, pushing through” was a lie. Because I was feeling fine, and I have nothing to push through (pregnancy is being quite easy so far). So why did I do this? There is a story behind it.
Last summer I spent a lot of time at the Heathrow office. And I mean a lot of time. It was getting very stressful, and although I was coping ok, then I started the IVF treatment. I was told that I should avoid stress by any means. So after talking to my boss, it was decided that I would stop going to the Heathrow site. I would come to the normal office instead, which is hard work as well, but nowhere near so stressful (the Heathrow office is a building site pretty much, an environment dominated by men, working under pressure and trying to control everything to the smallest detail. It can get stressful at times, and this is exactly what I was told to avoid).
So I stopped going, and then I got pregnant and never went back again.
However, yesterday I had to go for a meeting which I couldn’t avoid (I am supposed to be based at that office, so it is very inconvenient for them that I am not there everyday). And what did I do? I dressed with a dress that shows my bump (which is getting considerably big now – you couldn’t mix it up with just being fat, hehe) and I pretended that I was not feeling great. I suppose I did it so they would be easy on me and not put too much pressure. And it worked! But I am not feeling great about it. I don’t really want to do that ever again, it felt so cheap!